Free Writing 10/29

It was 1:35 AM in an orange 1997 Pontiac, two heavy set 23 year old's were clumsily working towards losing their virginity. The portly young man made countless attempts to enter his big bodied counterpart but sexual inexperience proved to be a roadblock. An air of uncomfortably filled the cramp sedan as the two grew frustrated with their inabilities. After about ten minutes of unsuccessful attempts at insertion the hefty gentleman had arrived at his destination, sexual ecstasy. "This is what my not fat friends talk about" he thought has excitement filled his entire body. The rotund lass that accompanied him felt a feeling of shame and disappointment, as her dreams of this interaction had been more grand that what the chubby fellow was providing her. Tens of seconds had past and the man had gather some confidence about himself as he began to feel light-headed, "Oh no", he thought and seconds later came the conclusion of the outing. He hung his husky head in disappointment, she laid and meaty hand on his beating chest and said "Hey good stuff, that wasn't too bad at all!"



Editing:

It was 1:35 AM in an orange 1997 Pontiac, two heavy set 23 year old's were clumsily working towards losing their respective virginity. The portly young man made countless attempts to enter his big bodied counterpart but sexual inexperience proved to be a roadblock. An air of uncomfortably filled the small sedan as the two grew frustrated with their inabilities. After about ten minutes of unsuccessful attempts at insertion the hefty gentleman had arrived at his destination of sexual ecstasy. "This is what my not fat friends talk about" he thought has excitement filled his entire body. The rotund lass that accompanied him felt a feeling of shame and disappointment, as her dreams of this interaction had been more grand that what the chubby fellow was providing her. Tens of seconds had past and the man had gathered some confidence about himself as he began to feel light-headed, "Oh no", he thought and seconds later came the conclusion of the outing. He hung his husky head in disappointment, she laid and meaty hand on his beating chest and said "Hey good stuff, that wasn't too bad at all!"

Paper 2 and Shitttttttttttt

I appreciate the feedback I got on my paper. I am happy to hear that my paper is heading in the correct direction and I will take the advice given about how to move forward and hopefully do well on the paper. I will touch more on Obama's upbringing and background and shine more light on how he serves as a cultural icon for the people of his likeness.

1. In this image there is a leopard biting the throat of an antelope and a happy family behind it.

2. It's composed like a totally normal family photo and how they're smiling while an animal is being killed in front of them is noteworthy. The fact that the family is very uninterested by this happening is interesting to me.

3. This is a short, specific story. The story of how a family took a picture behind a leopard mauling an antelope.

4. As a person who would be uncomfortable standing near that I see this picture and find it very odd and don't understand why somebody would take it.

Introduction and Conclusions

1. I touch only very briefly on the subject of the essay, leaving the reader curious. The way I do introduce my point, however, is in my eyes tantalizing and will attract the reader.

2. I recap my points briefly my points while at the same time inviting the reader to possibly consider to themselves how music has effected their lives personally.

3. It really doesn't answer it. I guess I'll have to change that. It kinda is like 4 sentences about what music has impacted in my life and then ends, I'll fix it tonight don't you worry!

Peer Revision on My Super Rad Essay

My partner was really cool during the peer revision. He gave me some ideas for how to improve upon my writing. He suggested possibly cutting back on the cursing in the essay which I will take into consideration. He said it had  a good tone and it was well organized which was cool to hear. I think there's not much left to change and I'm pretty confident about my essay.

Essay 1 Feedback

In my essay I will eliminate broad declarations of saying the world has changed completely. Just because different genres of music are slightly different than they were in the past does not mean that things have changed very drastically. Also I will rewrite examples where I compare two genres of music that have nothing to do with one another. There are more specific examples of how I can write about the way things changed for me personally and assume that the changes that occurred personally for myself are not true for the rest of the world who come from different circumstance. I will make more of a point to analyze the way I viewed the world based on the music I listened to. There are opportunities for me to improve my essay in many facets and I plan on doing so! ()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()

Draft Peer Revision

My partners allowed as to how I be sure to include specific detailed stories with my essay to ensure that the point I'm making is clear. They had positive things to say about what I had planned. My essay is about how social media has effected my life drastically. I need to include the lessons I learned from my usage of social media through the years and go far in depth telling the stories that I eluded to in my outline. They provided advice on how to organize the essay based on the years I tell stories from in a chronological order to show a maturing in my life.